Situational Negotiation of Identity (ESSAY)

Situational Negotiation of Identity

Identity is a fluid ideology that is constantly in change. Through different classes, religions, social circles, and levels of education our identity will always be in question throughout our lifetime. The concept of situational negotiation of identity can be applied to many areas of identity although it is often applied to the idea of ethnicity. How one may choose to identify ethnically can decide how they are treated by social circles in different locations. Due to certain living situations it may be safer to identify as one thing rather than the other.

In the case of many young transgender individuals it is safer to identify as their birth gender rather than their preferred or true gender because of the severity of the backlash they may receive at home. But at the same time this person may decide to show their true identity amongst their peers and not their family because it may be safer for them to do so. This would be an example of situational negotiation of identity. Where and when a transgender individual might show their identity is situational to how safe they are. 

In my case it is the same way. I am by no means in any danger if I decided to come out as transgender because my family is wonderful and loving but I know what the reaction would be and that pain is not worth it. With my family I go by my dead-name and “she/her” pronouns despite how uncomfortable it makes me because I know if I tried to explain it they would refuse to understand and turn my discomfort and pain into their own and use it against me. Seeing as I don’t wish to explain to my family how unhappy this makes me I decided to have a situational identity. 

The role I play is that of which I’ve played since birth. I identify as a cisgender woman and use my dead-name around family to avoid discomfort and backlash as a survival tactic. Meanwhile with my fiance and my friends I use the name Fenris and “he/they” pronouns and feel very at peace with myself. Their acceptance of me gives me hope that one day in the future I’ll be able to identify the way I truly feel but for now I will remain with my split identities. 

This example of situational negotiation of identity can be seen as a way to remain high on the undisclosed social hierarchy within families. Whether we see it or not there is an obvious hierarchy of who is most liked by the family and who is outcast for their decisions. Remaining high on the social hierarchy of a family has benefits such as access to family wealth, help with moving and bills, kindness and favours, all these things being essential to a young adult just emerging into the world. 

I made the decision recently to come out to one of my parents and the result was that  I was completely overlooked. There was one discussion and then nothing changed despite them appearing supportive during the conversation. My decision to not come out to more family was made right at that moment because I knew my gender identity would be frowned upon and talked about amongst my family without my knowledge. This decision is one of self-preservation but when I move to a different location this September it will be one I let go of.

The change in location would make it harder for me to experience the backlash firsthand and would give me space to make it clear that my identity has been finalized. This is a plan I have thought on for years and one many transgender youth also have to plan to secure a safe way of coming out. 

Social circles and location are key in determining how someone might identify as a way of subconscious and possibly conscious self-preservation. If one feels uncomfortable displaying one identity with one group of people they may build another to feel safer and more secure in that location. Our personalities constantly are in fluctuation with each group of people we meet but our identities delve much more deeply into the psychology of survival as we navigate different areas of class and hierarchy as a way to secure our highest position on that hierarchy.